"it" just moved
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize