I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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