You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize