Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
