i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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