On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you will always have a special place in my vag
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
