hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
