Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
