Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
