Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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