Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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