I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
