I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
