I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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