next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
