I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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