you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
