community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize