i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Randomize
