it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
