people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize