you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize