do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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