The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
