The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
