dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
