He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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