I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
