If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
