The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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