Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
