I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
