To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
