he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
