Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
