I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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