What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
