ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
