weddingsv make me drug and hornr
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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