she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
