I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize