Plan B is the new Plan A
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
