ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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