So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
