He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
