just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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