At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
