Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
