I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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