Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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