Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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