I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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