She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
