How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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