I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
