I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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