Ambien. No doubt about it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
