so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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