saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
