I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
