using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
