Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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