Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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