No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
