My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
