I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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