We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
