Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
