Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
