guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
