I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I will pee on everything he values.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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