there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
