i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
