I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
