YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
