and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
and you fell through a lawn chair
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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