she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize