I heard we made out
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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