This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
