Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
