dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
