It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
