so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
third nipple confirmed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
