So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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