i would punch a child for taco bell
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i now understand why vodka
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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