i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
