after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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