four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
