it hurts more in the daytime
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
