They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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