My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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