My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
