Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
