im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize