I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize