Umm I'm too high to move.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
