walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im six kinds of drunk right now
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
