I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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