Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
