im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
