I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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